And although the Lord was angered, He was not yet prepared to admit defeat. And Satan would read these jokes out loud to God, in a funny voice. But, instead of praising God for this miracle, Simon took everything for granted, and even began to write some jokes that made fun of God. So God said, “Fine,” and let Simon do that as his full-time job. All he liked to do was sit around in his underwear, making up jokes and then laughing at them. Now, Simon had graduated from an expensive college, but he had almost no skills. And he would say things like, “What’s up now?,” or, even more aggressively, “ ’Sup now?” And by the twenty-first century God’s self-esteem was at an all-time low. And he would point to the bar-mitzvah parties and the empty synagogues and the latest Bill Maher YouTube clip. So Satan, who loved to gloat, started hanging around God’s cloud all the time. And if there were older teen-agers present at these bar mitzvahs they would steal drinks from the grownups and get wasted to a degree that was really crazy-like, a “we’re going to the hospital” situation.
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And parents would hire professional dancers to come and teach the children dances, many of which were sexually suggestive. Sometimes, the bar mitzvahs would even have a theme, like “Broadway” or “New York Sports Teams.” If the theme was “Broadway,” for example, the tables would be labelled “The Lion King” or “Mamma Mia!,” and would have decorations on them that had to do with those shows. They still had bar mitzvahs, but these were mainly just excuses to throw parties. They ceased making burnt offerings to God. In the course of the next four thousand years, the Hebrews became less religious.
And behold: the righteous Hebrew still praised God. And God would often boast about this man, who worshipped Him with all his heart.īut Satan said unto the Lord, “Job praises you only because his life is blessed.” So God made a wager with Satan: “Destroy all that Job has, and you will see that he still believes.” So Satan rained horror upon Job, killing his livestock and marring his flesh with boils.
And no one had more faith in God than he did. Now, there was a righteous Hebrew in the land of Uz named Job.
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